Chundojae

It has been 49 days since my mother died. As I type, in Korea, my family is performing a Chundojae ceremony. It is a ritual that has roots in Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism, and is performed on the 49th day after death. I'm no expert on it, but from what one of my emos (mother's sisters) tells me, it is to pray for the well-being of my mother's soul. Death isn't seen as the end of life, but as the beginning of a the next stage of life; a rebirth into the spiritual realm. For 49 days after death, one's soul wanders between life and death, especially in the case of people who died unexpectedly or suddenly. There are 7 cycles of 7 days of judgment for the soul. After these 49 days, the soul may be reborn into another body.

I found this online: "Jae is a term used by Korean Buddhists to mean prayers for the dead. In line with their belief in transmigration of souls, they hold a special prayer service on the 49th day, counting from the day a person dies, for the deceased to be born again as a good human being."
Also: "Rye Jei-dong, a religious studies scholar, observed that although 49 jae comes from the Buddhist tradition, many Koreans do not know its exact meaning and offer a memorial service on the 49th day regardless of their religion. As Korea has been a Buddhist country for centuries, many Buddhist ceremonies have now become traditional culture, he maintains. "Even Christians, including Catholics, cannot easily avoid popular services in Korean culture."

One of my Korean aunts has been in close contact with me ever since my mom died, and every so often she sends me some little nuggets of Korean culture via email. An explanation of the Chundojae was one of them. She and the rest of my Korean family will hold a 2.5 hour ceremony for my mother's soul and pray that her soul finds peace in its future existence. Since I don't know much about Korean culture (something I'm trying to improve upon), my aunt suggested that my dad and I simply pray for my mom and think fond thoughts of her life while the Chundojae ceremony is going on in Korea at the Gongrimsa temple. This is a temple my mom and I visited when we went to Korea in December of 2008. It is in the mountains and is very beautiful. Here are some pictures of it from my visit last year:


During the specified time of Chundojae, I reflected on my mom's life. I know her life was mostly full of love and joy, and I have no unresolved tensions in my mind about her. I was thinking to myself that she made lots of mistakes in her life recently, but acknowledged and learned from them. She wasn't perfect, and I think her imperfections made her unique. I believe we're all in the same boat to put it bluntly. We are all here on this earth right now dealing with whatever personal struggles we have at any given moment. When we die, there is a sort of leveling of the playing field. Life is flawed. Mistakes are a given. In the end (which is not really the end), I think the most people can hope for is that they did the right thing at the right time with regard to their current life situation.
I've been doing some babysitting this summer for a lovely little girl named Lena. She has a book called "The Three Questions," and it is based on one of Leo Tolstoy's stories. In it, a boy wonders three things: What is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times? By the end of the book and after much searching, the boy learns that "there is only one important time - Now. The present is the only time over which we have power. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future. The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at your side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life." I like that. Of course it always seems much more complicated, but as I often tell people, two of the most important lessons I've learned in the last four years are to slow down and to keep my life and its events in perspective with the rest of the world. Yeah, easier said than done.

A few days ago I thought it would be nice if my mom were reborn as a cat. If you know me, then you know I have a very soft spot in my heart for cats. Then I could love and care for her and she would be with me. However, I am most looking forward to seeing her face and experiencing her presence and spirit in any children I might have. She was always so excited to meet her future grandchildren.

It's crazy that my mom is gone. I try not to dwell on the awful circumstances under which she died and I found out about her death. I'm looking forward, and my mom's right here.