Life goes on

I'm feeling much better about my mom after being able to talk to the police. I was able to have a meeting with the sgt. in charge of all the officers who worked on my mom's case. I met with him with my dad and my godmother Valorie in an interrogation room for almost an hour and a half. I was able to ask anything and everything. The police are hoping to see evidence of some physical event that happened to my mom when the full autopsy report is delivered in about two months. That means a blood clot, a stroke, a seizure, an overdose...

I still have not yet fully accepted that my mom could have committed suicide. I have all of her personal belongings (which comprise a startlingly small corner in my dad's basement) and have been slowly going through all the journals I can find. Some major themes are that she felt very alone and was depressed with the monotony of her invalid life. However, another thing she wrote about often was that she was thankful for many things. Her writing is pretty poignant and clear. She was proud of me and loved me very much. Her recent injuries brought us as close as we had ever been, though she was a hard person to get close with. I feel like I am somewhat invading my mom's privacy by reading all of her personal material, but it is giving me a lot of perspective on the past few years of her life.

Robert Frost said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." I'm feeling like my life is continuing. Death is a part of life. I don't think it's the end of it. My mom's life is so imbued in me and the memories she left behind. I've decided to try to relearn Korean, using Rosetta Stone and some native Koreans I know in the states. I plan to go to Korea next summer with my dad to visit my family. I'm so thankful for the untimely reunion of family and friends that the death of my mother sparked.

Among other news, I'm playing ultimate frisbee this summer in Asheville, and I got a new car! Pictures of car: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=32777179&l=f39567e007&id=7205687
Pictures of ultimate: http://mullinax56.smugmug.com/gallery/8383005_JBgxC#550125284_wdp9b

Before my job training starts I'm going to be doing some babysitting here and there and hopefully enjoying the mountains. I love my new car. The color of it is called blackberry pearl, and I've been getting between 44 and 48 mpg!!! It's not a hybrid.

Thank you all for reading and for your thoughts and comments.