it's been a little while

Since the last post, I've been to a job interview in Washington, D.C. and to Porter, Maine. There are no negative things to say about either of them! My job interview went better than I expected. I left the morning of the interview and got there with barely 10 minutes to spare. I had wanted at least 30 so I could collect and prepare myself. I found out the hard way that googlemaps gets confused by metropolitan DC. I got to Polaris Project's office and waited for my interviewer. I was a bit flustered and road-weary, but got more comfortable after the interview started. I think it went so well because I genuinely want to work for this organization. I am not just trying to get any old job, and I told my interviewers that. I interviewed for a position that isn't even open yet; but they are expecting a couple of promotions and switches in the next month, so it is highly likely that this position will open up. After the interview, I was given a tour of their four story office. I really like the space - it is a converted town home near Dupont Circle. Everyone seemed really nice and fairly laid back. I realized after the interview that in my rush to get to the office on time, I had forgotten to change out of my flip flop sandals and into some nicer shoes! Oh well. 

I left the Polaris Project office in high spirits, with the promise of being notified within two weeks about the position. I spent 3 nights with some very good family friends who live in McLean, Virginia. They were so good to me, and I really felt at home with them. I ate so much good Korean food! There was also a teeny tiny dog there - I think it was a toy poodle. 

My good friend Norah from high school met me in McLean, and we hit the road in my car. It took 12 hours to get to Maine because of rush hour traffic in NY/NJ. Norah successfully learned to drive my stick shift car on the way, and very impressively navigated stop and go traffic. We arrived in the small town of Porter, Maine late that night. Porter is in the southwest corner of Maine, and is about 45 minutes' drive west of Portland. Maine is somewhere I have always wanted to go, and the small taste I had this past week made me want to get back there asap. Norah, our friend Jesse who lives in Maine and at whose house we stayed, and I get along really well. We are all no-drama folks, and I really enjoyed the time we spent together. Good friends are so valuable. I often think to myself that I don't make friends, I simply enlarge my family. Cheesy I guess. 

My four day stint in Maine was filled with beautiful mountains, greenery, hiking, cool antique stores (I got a new wallet!), and yummy seafood. We went into Portland twice and tried some great Maine brews (Gritty's) and heard some awesome live music. Pictures here.

The short stay really just made me want to go back to Maine soon. Norah drove the whole way back to McLean, where she left her car. I was too tired to drive all the way back to Asheville, so spent one more night in McLean at my friends' home. I got up early the next morning to go home and babysit! The first day I was back in Asheville, I got a call from the friends I stayed with in McLean who told me they had heard from a very reliable source at Polaris Project that I was probably going to be hired!!! I won't know for sure until they call me with an offer, but things look and feel good! 

Right now I'm getting ready to spend a week or so at Kure Beach in NC with my cousins, uncle, aunt, and dad. Should be a fun time. And I should hear for sure about the Polaris job while I'm at the beach! 

The urn is finished!

And it's a beauty!
Pictures of the urn

I chose the shape, colors, and design of it, and Tom Turner, a local potter, made it. He specializes in urns and vessels of this sort. Here is a link to his website if you're interested in seeing more of his work: http://tomturnerporcelain.com/

Some of my mom's ashes are fired into the bottom of the urn (see pics), so she will always be a part of it. I think I will put the remaining ashes into it and maybe glue the top on. I haven't yet decided. I do know that my mom's ashes will come with me wherever I end up this summer.

Speaking of ending up places, I now know from USPIRG that in all likelihood, I won't be placed within a day's drive home. Not sure how I feel about that. I'll know more when I go for training and can talk to a real live person.

I also have a job interview on Tuesday with the Polaris Project - http://polarisproject.org/
I'm actually not certain it's a job interview, but it is an interview. I haven't submitted a resume or formal application yet, but have been told they may have a position opening up this summer that I would qualify for. I sort of know the woman who founded Polaris Project, and am pretty familiar with what they do. AND I'd love to work there. I'd be in Washington, D.C.!! (I think they would also pay about 35% more than US PIRG, too!). I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's hard not to be excited. I'll travel to DC on Monday and stay for a few days. After the interview, I'm headed on an impromptu road trip up to Maine with a friend from high school. I've never been to Maine, and it's one of those places in the US that I've always wanted to go. I'll spend three or four days there, then head home!

Graduation Celebration

Pictures

I'm not sure how my godmother Mary found the contact info for so many of my friends. I've gotten a few emails from people who don't even live in this country telling me they wish they could've been there.

It was pretty wonderful. There were professors that I've had, a random smattering of WFU friends, a dean of the college, and my godmother's family. There was a big cake with my name on it, and the whole thing made me feel super loved. I heard that the president of my school would have been there if he had not been out of town. The party was really a recreation of the festivities surrounding commencement at Wake Forest, and I'm so blessed to be loved and supported by so many awesome people.

After the party, my dad, Scott (my godmother's husband), Daniel (my godbrother), and I walked around campus and took some cheesy graduation pictures. I'm sure one day I'll be glad I have them.

The Uses of Sorrow by Mary Oliver
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)

Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.


Man, I love that Mary Oliver. I recommend her highly.

The shock of my mom's death is dissipating somewhat. Grief is an odd bird. Lately I find myself being struck by moments of remembrance of being with my mom. Every now and then I forget that she isn't here anymore and I feel pretty weird. Even though I know she isn't here, I still can't quite wrap my mind around her physical absence. Remnants of her life are here, but I feel like she's missing.

I miss:
watching travel documentaries and snuggling against her side gently so as not to hurt her injured shoulder
her dreams of traveling all over the world
hugging her 5'0 frame and feeling tall!
seeing her cry from laughing so hard
her telling me how excited she is to one day have grandchildren and to provide free childcare!
her wonderful healing touch
a most radiant smile
her intellectual brilliance - I have been appalled at the breadth of her knowledge and expertise many, many times


I've gotten countless sympathy cards over the last few weeks. They have been wonderfully comforting. Everyone has a different way of expressing their sympathy. It's interesting that I am comforted by knowing people are praying for me and thinking of me when I do little praying myself. Some cards and letters tell me to take comfort in the fact that my mom is in heaven right now. I don't think that's where she is, and that doesn't really comfort me. I don't even know if she believed in heaven. I find such sayings as, "it was her time" or "she's with God now" to be shallow and trite. I understand that those things are comforting to lots of people, but I am not concerned about her being in heaven or hell. What I am concerned with is her life, not her death. Yes, she is dead and may or may not be in a heaven/hell that may or may not exist (yes, I guess I am agnostic). It never occurred to me that my mother IS somewhere. Physically speaking, she currently resides in an urn at the studio of a potter in Mars Hill, North Carolina. However, the philosophy major in me has to bring up questions of self-identity. Are we our minds, our bodies, our souls? Some combination? Or just one?

What does it mean when people tell me that my mom will always be with me? This statement is innately troubling to me, because I will feel her absence in place of her presence. I suppose that is a way of her being with me, reminding me that she was here once and would have wanted to be with me as I move on with my life.

I've realized lately that life is full of impermanence. I'm reminded of yet another poem (funny, I hated poetry all through school until just a couple years ago), this one by Robert Frost - "Nothing Gold Can Stay." I'm also reminded that in the grander scheme of things, we humans are a teensy blip in the history of the universe, and that we, too, will one day be gone.

I am about to go to my first and maybe only session of grief counseling with my dad. I'm pretty surrounded by counselor-type people in my life here in Asheville that I think I've been able to talk about a whole lot that's been on my mind lately. Writing this blog has been amazingly cathartic for me as well. I'll post again soon about the amazing graduation celebration that was put on for me yesterday!