It seems like whenever I find the time to post on my blog, I am mentally out of breath from all the things going on in my work and personal life. I have been very tired this past month. I set reminders in the form of calendar alarms to update my blog because I really want to be able to take time and reflect and record my thoughts, but when those reminders go off, I am simply too drained to devote time to writing. I'll be the first to admit that I have been working way too much. That doesn't mean I'm not finding joy and meaning in the things I'm doing, because I am, all the way! There's just so much to do with moving logistics and things not going as planned on the schedule I'd like.

Today I worked for 11 hours. I haven't worked an 8 hour day since August or September. I am really, really homesick and anxious to get back to the mountains. I feel like right now my life is consumed with my work (and I'm ok with that for the time being) and then recuperating so I can work more. Might as well take advantage of my youth and energy in this capacity...

I only have 1.5 days more of work this week before I can set my sights on going home to Asheville. I have an image in my mind of

just collapsing on the couch in my godfather's house and just not thinking about anything except the people I'm there to see. I will hopefully be able to take off a full week or perhaps more at Christmas. It's an interesting and dynamic challenge to come to terms with the fact that I don't know when I'll be back in NC for good.

I attended my first ever black tie affair, the Capital City Ball, on Saturday Night (www.capitalcityball.com). I wore a dress for the first time in at least 5 years, and heels (not high ones!) for the first time in my life. A lot of firsts. I had a great time. It was fascinating to be among some of DC's socialites. The whole evening benefited P Project as well as two other human rights/victim services organizations. I was extremely tempted to go up to one of the hundreds of plastic women and tuxedoed men and ask them what they actually know about human trafficking. I'm pretty certain at least 90% of them were there because this ball is just another party they can go to and be in "society." There were amazing hors d'ouvres and des

serts, and 4 different open bars! There was also a silent auction with some pretty amazing things in it. I had a good bit to drink and did a lot of dancing, some of which was with men old enough to be my grandfather! Oh well. What a night. Here's a picture from it:

I got the dress from J. Crew with a friend's employee discount. The necklace is black pearls and diamonds - fake ones - borrowed from a friend. I bought those earrings for this event from Ten Thousand Villages, a fair trade store that I really love. The two people to my left are fellows with P Project and are a lot of fun!

I wish my mom were here with me and could have helped me prepare for a night like that. I am going to be doing a mini fundraiser for P Project in my mom's memory. I'm going to be asking friends/family to donate what they wish to P Project in memory of Kyong Sook Min in lieu of any holiday gifts they were thinking of giving to me. Since P Project has become so very important to me and its mission is absolutely necessary, a gift to P Project is a gift to me. It's funny, I am not the least bit uncomfortable asking for donations to P Project. Since I work very closely with the development team, I can see firsthand how different revenue streams are and can be used. Individual donations are especially valuable to P Project because they are largely unrestricted - that is, they can be put to use where the need is greatest. The bulk of our funding comes from government and foundation grants, and this money can only be spent on very specific things. Anyway, if anyone who reads this is looking to contribute to a new cause or would like to give me this kind of indirect gift, please let me know.

I hope to be able to update my blog more often - but can't guarantee it!

I woke up this morning planning to go play ultimate frisbee if I could find somewhere to play on a Sunday morning. I remembered that once a few weeks ago a friend texted me some info about a good Sunday morning game. I got out my cell phone and searched through my texts. I didn't find his text, but I did find a text message I sent to my mom on May 10th of this year (five days before she died). It said,

"Happy mother's day! I love you!"

I haven't cried about my mom being gone in at least a month, but this unexpected finding made my eyes and nose smart. I remember where I was when I sent that text message. I was on Wake Forest University's campus walking through the Polo Road entrance. I had tried calling my mom earlier that week but hadn't gotten an answer, so decided to text her. I believe this was the last time I ever communicated with my mom, and it was a stupid text message.

I haven't found anywhere to play ultimate frisbee this morning.

So glad to have a 3-day weekend

It's been a rough week at work. Among the big projects I'm working on are planning the PP fall staff retreat, finding a new office space for our client services program, and planning the layout of our new headquarters office space. I have so many ideas, and it's hard to focus! I have to work on these projects on top of my normal daily tasks such as bill processing, reimbursements, HR, and tech support. PP was hit with a big blow this week - our senior financial officer has given less than two weeks notice of her resignation. I won't go into too much detail, but this may be one of the worst times of the year for her to resign. October is our biggest grant-reporting month, and people are scrambling as it is. It's a big mess. I think everyone has had time to process the reality of losing this person and her skills and now are getting organized trying to figure out if we can really do all the necessary work this month without her. It's going to be a crazy end of the year with grant reports, deadlines, and moving to the new office. AH.

update on bike accident

Update on my shoulder: I went to my chiropractor yesterday for my regular appointment and asked him to take a look at my shoulder and ribs. Since I was in a lot of pain in a very localized area on top of my shoulder, I was sent off for some xrays to rule out a fracture. There are no fractures, but my collarbone is a bit out of place because I apparently have torn/damaged the acromioclavicular and coracoclavicular ligaments that hold the collarbone in place.
The treatment for this is rest and ice and no biking or ultimate frisbee for a least a couple weeks. Sad.

The weeks are flying by

The last week has been wonderfully and satisfyingly busy. I haven't been biking or playing as much ultimate frisbee lately because of pain in my shoulder/neck/ribs from the accident I had. I'm going to the chiropractor today for one of my weekly visits and am going to ask him to check out my injuries. I'll post later on what the verdict is. Here are some random updates from various corners of my life:

-my cat, Mona, is attacking the other cat in my house with increasing frequency and ferocity
-I finally have a desk and chair set up in my room so I don't have to use my computer on my bed!
-I saw a great movie - "In Bruges," a drama about two hit men thrown together in Belgium and their relationship
-a Viennese professor I had while studying abroad in Austria came to DC, and Mick (my housemate and friend from college) and I had dinner with him last night. His name is Herb and he's a really fantastic and eccentric 73 year old.
-My office is officially moving locations, and I'm going to have to spearhead the logistics of it. It will definitely keep me busy for the next month and beyond.
-I have been checking out some farmer's markets on the weekends - they are so busy here.
-my dad is visiting (hooray!) in two weeks for his fall break! Or I might be going home.
-my godmother and her family are coming this weekend for a visit!

I'm doing well all things considered. I'm really enjoying my job, and have a pretty ok living situation. I hope all of you who read this are flourishing!

bike wreck!

I had my first bike wreck in DC this morning. In retrospect, I should have taken the bus. The roads were wet and I had a late night last night. There are a lot of crossing guards stationed near my house on weekday mornings and afternoons to facilitate pedestrian activity. They're usually cheerful and I say hi or smile to them. This morning one of them said hi and told me to "be careful on that machine!" Less than a half mile after I passed that crossing guard, another biker hit me. He was riding against traffic on the wrong side of the road, and came at me head-on. We crashed and slid some because the roads were a little slick. He got up immediately to move out of the road and helped me up. I think he was fine. I felt fine at first, just a little shaken from the shock and impact. I'm glad I was wearing my helmet (I always do!). My handlebars were thrown out of alignment, but that's easily fixable. The other rider offered to give me his phone number just in case there was any other damage to the bike/me that wasn't noticeable at first. I rode the rest of the way to work a little shaken and bleeding from my ankle and feeling soreness in my left shoulder. It turns out that I probably landed directly on top of my left shoulder. It is very painful now. I've been icing it with frozen peas!

I love my job. It's nothing like I expected. I was basically given a whole bunch of responsibility from day 1 (more like day 2 in actuality) and was given the reins to figure out how to bear it all. I have a lot of autonomy and feel very respected, despite being the youngest and lowest paid employee at P Project. When people ask me what I do at Polaris, I don't really know what to say. There is no box into which my job fits. I truly do a little bit of everything, but I see it as supporting all aspects of P Project in a variety of ways. This includes officially welcoming new employees, managing the fellowship program, HR, ordering supplies (so much fun!), helping to design our new office space, and more. I am doing everything I can to make our office more environmentally friendly. I've switched us to only recycled paper products, some of which are unbleached. I firmly encourage people to print double-sided or not to print at all, and to recycle religiously. It's so easy to leave a light or a computer on when you're not personally paying the power bill or seeing the effects of wasted power. I'm looking forward to moving to our new office. It will be nice to start on the same experience level as everyone else for once, and to be pretty much in charge of the new space.

I admire so many people at P Project, and have become friends with some of them. I cannot envision a job/place where I would fit in better. I feel very at home here, and I never dread coming into work. There is always something exciting going on, whether expected or not.

I've been playing a lot of ultimate frisbee lately, and have met lots of interesting people this way. One of them told me about contra dancing in the dc area. I love contra dancing! I went for the first time this past Sunday, and while it wasn't as good as Asheville's contra dance scene, it was still wonderfully fun and freeing. It was also pretty expensive...in Asheville it's very affordable.

I finished painting one of my rooms - I think I will wait to paint the second room until I feel more established in my house and decide if I want to live there more long-term. Right now, I have a six month lease that I'm one month into. It's looking like it will be all I can afford for the foreseeable future - and I haven't even started paying off my student loans! Yikes! That starts in January.

I miss my mom a lot. I wish she wasn't dead. There are times throughout each day that I imagine her presence with me and I imagine what she would say to me in certain situations or how she would act or look at me. I look in the mirror and see her more and more in my own face. I love her. Her face, her touch, her smell, her hands, her love for me. What an effing waste it is that she died.